FIRST DRAFT

Name:

Course: IEP/510/520 Core

Prof. Christine Bauer-Ramazani

                                    The difference between living on-campus and living off-campus

As the statistics show (2011), almost 70 percent of college students rely on on-campus housing, and college enrollment will grow by at least 10% by 2016. As survey indicates, 80 million college students of USA continue to swamp on-campus housing, and most of this part students are extroverts. Why do extroverts prefer to living on-campus? Nowadays, students could choose between living on-campus or living off-campus before they go to the college. The new students have to think about the resources, the atmosphere, and the relationship with other students and people around them.

First, college and family gives students two kinds of resources. All the college have library so that the students who lives on-campus is able to read whole books. For example, The article "Harvard University library" (2011) claims that there are more than 16million of volumes in Harvard University. In addition, almost every college provide a lot of services to the college students  such as writing center,gym room, and conversation partner. Students who living on-campus can get more convenience because of the college resources. On the other hand, the other students would feel convenient on there daily life. For example, the students who live off-campus could watching TV when they feel bored, and they are able to cook food, take shower without waiting.

The second point is the atmosphere of college is different from the house. When students living on-campus, college will be a good communication station for the students to study. For instance, the on-campus students could ask for a help to their classmates easily when they meet some problem on learning. Besides, teachers also can help them in time. So that the student who likes to communicate with others will get more information on-campus. Otherwise, if students choose to living off- campus will get a comfortable study environment. Study in family is more privately than study on college, part of people can not study with any noisy sounds. Living off-campus provides a completely quiet space for learning.

Last but not the least, the relationship is really different for the students who living on-campus and living off-campus. The college living students has more connect with others, so that the sociable students would like to live on-campus. For example, these students could join a lot of group activities with the other students likes trips, parties, and sports. Due to the group activities, the sociable students will promote their friendship with each other if they living on-campus, and how to connect with others is an important skill that people have to learn on the social life. However, the students who living off-campus can stay with their family member more. This students are able to enjoy the dinner with their parents. But the students will feel bored to living-off campus it he is voluble. Filial love is also important too.

There are a lot of difference between living on-campus and living off-campus. Students should think about the personalty of themselves so that they can choose the correct orientation. Maybe the student who is extrovert is more fit to living on campus because they want to stay with others.

1. Students Today Seek Quality Off-Campus Housing(2011). Retrieved from http://www.citytowninfo.com/education-articles/college-life/students-today-seek-quality-off-campus-housing-080629

2. Harvard University Library. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvard_University_Library

        keyword

        contorlling idea

Bold Sentences topic sentences & thesis statement

        aspect 1

        aspect 2

        aspect 3

        coherent

Commention:

1. Please add more controlling ideas in your essay to express the "CONTRAST", such as while, whereas, difference, and so on.

2. In your paragraph, you may focus on your aspect a little.

3. I've seen many keywords in your essay. 

4. Your in-text citation is not enough.

5. I'm glad to see that you make a progress.

Anny

SECOND DRAFT

Name:

Course: IEP/510/520 Core

Prof. Christine Bauer-Ramazani